He inquired, “Where have you been?”  God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, and I’ve put life on it.. I’m going to call  it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance..”

” Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example,  northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.  Balance in all things.”

God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice..”

The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”

“That’s the State of Texas , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, beaches and plains. The people from the State of Texas are going to be handsome,  modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They  will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance..”

God smiled, “There’s Washington DC .  Wait till you see the idiots I put there.

I noticed there was a man who looks like he needs a few things to go his way.  He is toying with his $1.25 in small coins.  I find myself in the holiday spirit saying to  myself, “I want to buy him a sandwhich.”  Now… I’m NEVER this guy.  I never give money to the homeless, but I felt like this was different.   I wasn’t leaving him the option of how to spend the 6 dollars, but maybe I should have. 

I asked him is he was hungry. No words, just a head nod and a glance from his empty eyes. I walk up, pay for his sandwhich and leave the logistics to him and Subway sandwhich makers. 

In reality I know I’m in the wrong for expecting anything, but I did.  I assumed the guy would at least acknowledge my gesture with a thanks…maybe even a smile of appreciation.  Instead I only got a paper receipt and that “Scrooge” feeling.  His lack of appreciation and my expectations killed my holiday spirit.  Come on meow.

I know, “what can you expect, Kyle?!” 

Maybe he would have been happier if I handed him two 40 oz bottles of Old English Malt Liquor and roll of duct tape.  At least I’d know he’d be warm on a cool night.

I’m glad I did it…but wish it didn’t bother me like it has.

As a kid I:

• owned a proton pack
• owned all four action figures as well as slimer
• religiously watched the cartoon after school

So I was a dork - lay off.  It was cool back then!

As you may have learned, the dirty YouTube gods have disabled embedding.  Who does that?

Courtesy of Bicycling.com…

Amid sponsorship turmoil and just days before the Tour de France, Alberto Contador had a deal to leave Astana and race against Lance.

by Joe Lindsey

With the news last week that its Kazakh sponsors had finally made good on their financial obligations after months of non-payment, it seemed like the Astana team could face its biggest goal of the season, the Tour de France, without distraction. But the team that takes the start in Monaco could be a badly fractured squad, riven with trust issues and power struggles that, under the pressure of the Tour, could explode.

Happier days? Lance and Contador at Astana’s pre-season camp in Teberife.

A source within the team told Bicycling that when Astana looked like it would default on its obligations, a new structure had been set up to supercede it. Two different sources close to the team confirmed, also anonymously, that the team name was going to be Livestrong-Nike. Seven-time Tour winner Lance Armstrong raced last Sunday’s Nevada City Classic on an all-black Trek Madone wearing Livestrong kit; his teammates, Levi Leipheimer and Chris Horner, rode in Astana team clothing.

“About three weeks ago, we learned that there could be a new sponsor, and that it was Livestrong-Nike,” said one of the outside sources, while the other said that they first heard the possibility of the new team structure about two days before the team switched to its “faded” Astana logo outfits at the Giro d’Italia.

The source within the team said that 2007 Tour de France winner Alberto Contador assured manager Johan Bruyneel of his desire to stay with Livestrong-Nike, but was at the same time also quietly talking with Garmin-Slipstream about switching teams should Astana default on his contract. Garmin manager Jonathan Vaughters could not immediately be reached for comment. Sources have also confirmed that Contador was in discussions with Caisse d’Epargne.

Significantly, the Astana team source said, Garmin was said to be not only signing Contador, but also his Astana teammates Benjamin Noval, Sergio Paulinho, and bringing aboard Contador’s preferred mechanic and soigneur from Astana. Herbalife, which sells weight loss and nutritional supplements via multi-level marketing, was said to be willing to contribute $2 million as a co-sponsor to sign the riders and staff for the remainder of 2009.

That deal was initially set to be announced last Saturday (and, according to the team source, Felt bikes were already on the way to Contador), and the Livestrong-Nike deal, said two of Bicycling’s sources, was also alive until just before the weekend.

But unexpectedly, Astana’s Kazakh sponsors derailed all those plans. In conjunction with the federal government and, according to some reports, an unnamed American corporation with business interests in the region, Astana managed on Thursday to make good on the $6 million bank guarantee that the UCI required.  

What this makes clear is that the team’s uncertain sponsorship was not its biggest potential problem. Astana is far from a cohesive unit. Although the strongest team in the race on paper, with Armstrong, Contador, Leipheimer and Andreas Kloden all confirmed to start, their internal divisions could fracture the team and cost them the Tour de France.

Paulinho and Noval are among seven riders who are competing for three remaining spots on the team’s Tour squad. If Paulinho and Noval make the Tour roster, it could mean that the team could develop an even sharper split in allegiances, with riders such as Leipheimer and Chris Horner backing Armstrong, and others backing Contador. If Bruyneel leaves Paulinho and Noval off the Tour team (for that reason or others), then it could mean Contador would be isolated, vying for a second Tour win against his own team.

There has also been discussion of Contador forming alternate alliances, with Caisse d’Epargne leader Alejandro Valverde saying he would help Contador where possible – provided Valverde, who is banned from racing in Italy, even starts. The race’s 16th stage crosses briefly into Italy.

It also seems clear that Contador will switch teams when his contract is up after 2009. And Astana’s problems are far from past as well. The UCI announced in a brief statement today that its License Commission was provisionally suspending its procedure to withdraw Astana’s ProTour license. But the UCI said that the suspension was for an “unspecified length of time” and could be reactivated if necessary. In May, Armstrong mentioned he wanted to launch his own team in 2010.

With just 12 days to go before the start in Monaco, the only thing that seems clear at this point is that, for all its strength, Astana’s biggest opponent at the Tour may be Astana. Whether Armstrong, Contador or some other challenger will emerge victorious, only the race will tell.

This is a little long, but it’s worth skimming through if you don’t have the time.

WHAT!

In other news, Storm knocks over tree at White House. If you really need to read the article feel free to click the link, but the title says exactly the same thing in less words. Thanks breitbart.com for absolutely nothing (pathetic). Instead, save yourself from the Wednesday-brain-drain and use the energy to drink a 23oz (that’s fluid ounces) domestic draft at Don Pablo’s for $3 with friends. You’re probably thinking “that is a great deal for bad beer”. Yes, yes it is. What’s even better is – - that’s the all-day-every-day price.

This Bud’s for EU, Danny. I dare you to drink $15 worth of Don Pablo’s finest on you birthday (taxes not included).

Please drink responsibly – and avoid the North Lawn of the White House in t-storms.

Cheers.

I’m still on this huge Jeff Buckley trip. After my post about finding my way back to JB, where I posted the two videos, I went digging through my “Jeff Buckley Discography” folder on my desktop. I think it takes up something like 2 gigs of space. I heard this song “strange fruit” from the Sketches (For My Sweetheart the Drunk) album. It immediately caught my ear. I started working some of my voodoo computer magic (via Wikipedia) where I learned this song was JB’s version of a poem written by Abel Meeropol and later performed as a song most famously by Billie Holiday.

Meeropol wrote “Strange Fruit” to express his horror at lynchings after seeing Lawrence Beitler‘s photograph of the lynching of Thomas Shipp and Abram Smith in Marion, Indian. He published the poem in 1936 in The New York Teacher, a union magazine.

Here are the lyrics:Southern trees bear strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.

Sure, it’s depressing, but this poem/song will hold its place in time. I love learning that a song I like has serious substance and isn’t just created to make a quick buck (thank you, Soulja Boy).